Supporting Grieving Parents: 5 Real Lessons in Parenting Your Parents Through Loss
Part of the “Parenting Your Parents” blog series — a real look at supporting grieving parents as they lose the lifelong friends who shaped them.
Parenting Your Parents in Grief: When Their Homies Pass Away
There’s a moment in adulthood that sneaks up on you—the shift from being cared for… to being the one doing the caring. Not financially. Not logistically. Emotionally.
This chapter of Parenting Your Parents is called Parenting Your Parents in Grief, because the assignment gets real when your parents start losing their homies. Their day-ones. Their “we survived life together” crew.
And suddenly, you’re not just their child. You’re the person responsible for supporting grieving parents through emotions they’ve never been taught to express.
Let’s get into it.
When Grief Becomes the Daily News
You know the call.
“Hey… did you hear so-and-so passed away?”
And they say it like it’s casual—like they’re reading the weather report. But you see the tightness in their jaw… that long pause… that quiet shift in their eyes.
Parents love to hit us with, “I’m okay.”
Meanwhile you’re thinking,
If I lost one of my closest friends? Oh I’d be down bad. So I KNOW you’re not okay.
This is the complexity of supporting grieving parents:
They’re hurting, but they still see you as the child.
They want to be strong for you, even while their own world is getting smaller.
COVID Reopened Old Friendships… and Old Wounds
As a licensed clinical therapist, let me be straight: COVID did a number on our parents’ generation.
It made everybody sit still. Think. Reflect. Reconnect with old friends—sometimes for the first time in decades.
People found joy again in friendships that shaped them.
And now… those same friends are passing away, slowly and steadily.
It’s grief layered on memory… layered on the reality of aging.
So What Does Parenting Your Parents in Grief Actually Look Like?
1. Check in—because “I’m okay” is a reflex, not the truth.
Supporting grieving parents means you can’t take their first answer at face value. They’re not going to open up like it’s a therapy exercise.
A simple:
“Hey, just checking on you today.”
…opens a door they don’t know how to ask you to open.
2. Don’t expect big emotional speeches.
You're not getting weekly grief updates. They don’t journal or process out loud. They weren’t raised with the skills of emotional expression.
Their silence isn’t avoidance—it's the emotional blueprint they were handed.
3. Sit with them. The ministry of presence is powerful.
Sometimes the best way to support grieving parents is to just… be there.
Turn on the TV. Make tea. Go through old photos. Or sit in silence—your presence matters more than conversation.
Being present is the grounding they won’t ask for but deeply need.
Why This Part of Parenting Hits Different
Caring for aging parents is one thing. Parenting your parents in grief is another level.
You become their emotional anchor—the reminder that connection still exists as their world becomes smaller.
You’re witnessing them navigate a type of loss they were never taught to process.
And that’s why this series exists—because nobody taught us how to do this either.
Until Next Time
Supporting grieving parents is tender, intimate work. It’s frustrating one day, heartbreaking the next, and deeply meaningful in moments you’ll never forget.
This series—Parenting Your Parents—is here to name it, validate it, and walk with you through it.
More episodes coming soon.
